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70​,​000 Tons of Money

from Pyramid Scheme by The Spruce Moose

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lyrics

The irrelevance of Pascals Wager
When false gods bring in mountains of cash
People come for Mooses favour
But every book of all our gospels clash

The world wants low effort salvation
And a promise more exciting than two wives
Pay us a high enough donation
And the Moose will hook you up with two knives

Spend your
Hard earned
Moolah
On us
It’s a
Sacred
Duty
suckers

70,000 tons of money
Decadent kings of Moose and honey
Got so rich it isn’t funny
… ok, I lied it’s pretty funny

Purchased Casa Loma, filled with bison pelts
Installed some laser turrets to protect our precious felts
Bought the stocks of Amway just to dump it in the sea
Even scammers such as us have standards you will see

Bought action comics #1 to use as rolling papers
Then we brought a patsy in to suck out all the vapor
Draped ourselves in so much gold that we can barely walk
That’s Ok, we got 4 guys to haul us down the block

70,000 tons of money
Decadent kings of Moose and honey
Got so rich it isn’t funny
… ok, I lied it’s pretty funny
It came in a dump truck full of cash
Swam in it, it gave me a rash
Every night, a Spruce Moose bash
Now behold our jumbo panache

“If I had a nickel for every dime I had, I’d have even more money!”

A lamborghini or 7, high priced hookers,
BALES of cocaine, a private island,
Disney, Google, Facebook, Pornhub
a swimming pool full of sweet sauce,
the world’s donair supply
a monument to mankind’s hubris

and one diet coke

70,000 tons of money
Decadent kings of Moose and honey
Got so rich it isn’t funny
… ok, I lied it’s pretty funny
It came in a dump truck full of cash
Swam in it, it gave me a rash
Every night, a Spruce Moose bash
Now behold our jumbo panache

credits

from Pyramid Scheme, released May 19, 2023

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The Spruce Moose Edmonton, Alberta

Edmonton's nerdiest metal band

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