Endless Forms Most Bureaucratic

from Pyramid Scheme by The Spruce Moose

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lyrics

Standing in these badlands, etched with fear
The wind is loud as hell, cruel vibes draw near
Ghosts from an unfamiliar hell
Seeping right into our shell

Ultra-fancy necromancy
Hieroglyphs of ancient spreadsheets
fill a cave within this valley
To bureaucratic purgatory
Remains of zombie dinosaurs,
Start to rise up from the floor,
A deafening, somehow boring roar
approaches from this age-old portal

It shakes this whole place
WALLS
Crumble like cookies
BALL
Point pens that line these
Halls, out seeps
A spirit most litigious

“Halt now, you who intrude on our lair
In these badlands way down low
We’re gonna need you to sign this form
For the rights of your very first-born
Refuse to comply, and we’ll send you to die
Take this number, then rot in the netherlobby to your right
Your death is nigh
We, the Lords of Clipboardia
We suffer you not”

The ghosts erupt from the warbling pit
Contemptuous, no they won’t acquit
us from our so called crimes
One man’s fraud is another man’s party line

You know the writing’s on the wall
You know this cave is where we fall
And you know what’s worst of all
There’s no donairs in the hallowed halls

And as they sign off on our fates
I must admit to feeling irate
And as they march to annihilate, they stop

“guys, hey, wait a minute… bureaucrats can’t stand the smell of a donair! Quick, let’s skiddaddle on out of here. These guys will be on our tail soon enough, let’s gather the troops, and get ready for war! And by war I mean they do the war. Yeah, they do war. We sit around drinking cognac, because honestly… I can’t fight.”

Leave this place now to escape, and
run down to the other side
Shelter from the paperstorm
before a battle which draws nigh

Have you ever seen a cyclone
take the shape of rubber stamps
against slow-moving winds of evil
Here is where we make our stand

fine then, bureaucrats
Ain’t afraid of no eldritch desk jockey
… the badlands come alive
… with the sound of Spruce

Donairs!